Top Rat Tales

[Editor's Note:  While the boys in the Rat Pack dust off their IBM Selectrics and freshen up their news-gathering abilities, The Big Cheese thought he'd take a look at some of the Rat's more popular posts.  During our site's unfortunate absence, this particular entry has been getting more hits than ever... so Cheesy figured he'd kick things off in a... um... "big" way.  This one was originally posted 10/26/10.]

Everybody has to battle those unsightly bulges during the holidays.

But for some Hollywood stars, sports figures, and rock & rollers, it’s just not possible to keeping a certain protrusion from rearing its ugly head 365 days a year.

This holiday season, The Rat sends its heartfelt sympathies to the celebs who fight such a battle on a daily basis.

Their photos… after the jump.

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Frosty the Bigot

December 5, 2010 at 2:05 am

A snowman in chilly Hayden, Idaho had people hot under the collar this past week.

Can’t imagine why, other than the fact that the snow sculpture was the likeness of a Ku Klux Klansman, holding a noose.

Mark Eliseuson’s neighbors called cops to complain, and they subsequently threatened to write him up for “public nuisance.”

Eliseuson ended up beheading his work of pre-Civil Rights art, and prying the noose from Frosty’s cold, dead hand.

Mark’s also been known to fly the Nazi flag on his property.

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Athletes and Their Exhibition(ist) Games

November 28, 2010 at 3:16 pm

When Cleveland Indians outfielder Grady Sizemore showed up on the NSFW “Guys with iPhones” picture-posting site several months ago, one would have thought he was the first jock ever to get caught on camera with his pants down.

Au contraire, mon frère.

In the interest of history, and celebrity anatomy, The Rat’s been researching the topic of professional athlete overexposure and have found it’s been going on since the pre-Polaroid days.

Would you believe Mickey Mantle’s jock junk was actually caught on camera back in the day?  Not to mention O.J. Simpson and Mike Tyson?

More recently, quite a few professional sports team members’ members have been caught on camera.  Shockingly or not, many of them were “self portraits” they made the mistake of sending to girlfriends-on-the-side (Brett Favre, we’re talkin’ to you).

Sorry.  The Rat got distracted there for a minute.

Anyway, the Rat Pack’s decided to give these exhibitionist athletes the over exposure they apparently want so desperately.

Click on the red arrow only if the boss, the kids, the husband, or the boyfriend are out of monitor range.

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Rumor Fix: The Don Quixote of Websites

November 27, 2010 at 1:18 am

There’s an old saying… “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Someone should pass that little witticism along to the folks over at Rumor Fix.

Just as Don Quixote took aim at imaginary windmills, the ill-informed fixer-uppers at the site are rebutting Hollywood rumors that don’t exist.

Perfect example:  Their “exclusive” fix of the one about the “emotional reunion” of a soldier & his wife on the set of the Ellen DeGeneres show.

First of all… the story doesn’t even say what the reunion “rumor” was.  So how exactly did the site fix it.

All they do is recap the story behind the couple’s appearance on the show.

Then there’s the one about…

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John Travolta gay?  As Jerry Seinfeld’s friend Elaine Benis might say:  “Get!  Out!”

The guys at Gawker posted a steamy (literally steamy) piece about Travolta’s (alleged) patronization of saunas around Los Angeles, and his (alleged) dalliances with other dudes while inside the bathhouses.

Now, Hollywood pit-bull barrister Marty Singer has come out swinging, sending the website a four and a-half page letter demanding that they un-post the story, and promptly apologize for sullying the star’s good name.

The Gawker piece is based on information from the author of a new book about the (alleged) secret sex lives of certain Hollywood actors.  It’s titled “You’ll Never Spa in This Town Again.”

Singer’s letter calls the author’s claims “blatant defamatory lies” from a “patently unreliable source.”

Travolta’s no stranger to gay buzz.

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The Rat Pack gets exiled to Hacker Island for three weeks, and look what happens in the brief time we’re forced to go deeper underground than usual.

The TMZ-tards decide to push the envelope – and stretch the boundaries of journalism – even farther by “exclusively” reporting things that almost happened.

Can you believe it?  Mel Gibson actually almost called the cops on Exsana.

A question for chief TMZero Harvey Levin.  How do you define “almost?”

Mel was “one step away” from calling the cops when when he stopped by Oksana’s place to pick up baby Lucia and Oksy didn’t answer the door, reports TMZ.

“One step away?”

Seriously, TMZ?


Web Watch: Those Dueling Hollywood Do-Gooders

October 22, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Somebody grab an insulin vial and a hypodermic… The Big Cheese is about to go into diabetic shock from the syrupy sweetness being slathered all over the internet by two websites now competing to see who can kiss the most celebrity ass in the least amount of time.

Rumor Fix and Gossip Cop are obviously locked in a head-to-head (ahem) battle to see who can more effectively butt-munch the big stars.

One recent installment of celebrity niceties saw the Rumor Fixer-uppers making a plea to the press and paparazzi to leave classmates of  David and Victoria Beckham’s kids alone.

“Come on Guys,” reads the RF headline, before the site launches into a holier-than-thou lecture about phone calls reportedly made to the homes of the Beckham boys’ schoolmates in an effort to get inside information on the family.

(If only The Rat had thought of that first.)

Then there’s Gossip Cop…

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